Topper's TravelsTopper Kain's blog. Topper Kain is a world-famous kazoo player and traditional norwegian food chef. He wants you to use the comments. Sunday, April 04, 2004So last weekend night my roomie gets REALLY fucking drunk. I mean he gets drunk a lot, and this is the worst I've seen him, the guy is walking a line crookeder than the Harding adminstration. Anyways, he eventually gets himself back to our room (also motel style, funnily enough), kind of collapses on the floor and starts muttering to himself "fuck em, fucking mother fuckers" over and over again (he eventually starts playing a beat to this with his hands on the floor). Eventually he realizes he has to pee, bolts up, and instead of using our bathroom (which he is already part of the way into...) he runs outside and shouting "Pi O S. Pi O S", which is an abbrevation for "Piss On South (an adjacent dorm)." So he runs over to South, drops trou, and starts pissing on South. At which point a Camp Sec (Campus Security, rent-a-cops) starts rolling by in patrol car (read golf cart). I shout "Sam, Sam, Camp Sec dude!" Sam goes "Oh Shit", and not stopping to zip up his pants or anything he bolts through a hedge of bushes, away from the Camp Sec cart and behind a tree at which point he whips it out again and resumes pissing. Camp Sec rolls bye, and we all breath a sigh of relief, but by this time Sam has, in the commotion, pissed all over himself. As he is walking back to the dorm he relizes this and starts shouting "No piss-pants, no piss-pants" and begins to take off his pants in the middle of the four dorm quad. Realizing this is obiviously a bad situtation my buddies and I drag his ass back to our dorm. He gets his pants off, crawls his ass over to one of our couches, and sits sits down in it. Then lil' nick grabs his piss-pants, runs off with them, and then throws them on the roof. Sam (after a healthy comprehension delay) gets pissed and starts chasing after lil' nick in nothing but his boxer briefs. Nick, being a wily little monkey, gets away, and so sam decides to take out his aggression against our dorm President, Colin. Sam sticks his fingers above his head, in a manner reasembling horns, and then proceeds to charge Colin. Colin Ole's him and he crashes into the fence cage we had set up for the party that night. Undettered, Sam charges twice more, and the second time ends up flipping over a couch. Sam, perhaps suddenly becomming embarrased, buries himself in the couch cushions. I walk over and ask "Sam, you alright man? Bleeding anywhere?" and get this reply: "Dude, I'm a couch, what are talking to couch for. That's fucked up man, everyone knows couches can't talk."Okay, so that was a little longwinded, but I don't feel like editing. It's still funny. .: posted by Topper 3:18 PM
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